Phone Message
by Pewpewpewlazzergun
Summary: Alfred Jones recieves a mysterious message from a person calling himself God asking for an alliance.
1. MESSAGE FROM GOD

A/N: Derp. This is from a crack RP between me, Light Yagami, and my friend as America. My excuse is boredom. I'll put the next chapter up if I get any reviews at all. XD;;

*Phone message*

"Hello, America. My name is Light Yagami. But you may call me God. Have you been following the Kira murder case in Japan? No need to answer. I know you have been. It's infamous." There was noise in the background and sounds of shuffling. "NO, MOM, I DON'T NEED ANYTHING."

"Ahem. I'm assuming you would want to get your hands on something as powerful as the Death Note...Well, I've been think-" More background noise and the slamming of a door. "NOT NOW, MOM, I'M ON THE PHONE."

Light paused before continuing. "I've been thinking," He repeated. "It would be great to join forces with you. We can take over the world together. How does that sound? Get back to me soon." The message ended with a loud beep.

Alfred Jones frowned slightly as he listened to the message twice through. He decided to call the unfamiliar number back, letting it ring in his ear while waiting for an answer.


	2. I REALLY DON'T DANCE

A/N: These chapters will be longer. Let's call the first chapter...an introduction. I hope you find it relatively humorous. XD;;

Light Yagami smirked as he heard the phone ring and picked it up, clearing his voice. "That was quicker than expected. But, what I've learned about your culture from The Hills is exactly that: America is unpredictable. How do you feel about my message?"

Alfred frowned at the confident voice before finding his own voice. "Well, I don't know who you are...but I've heard of the Kira case. And...what IS the Death Note...?"

Light chuckled and sat in his desk chair. "The only thing you need to know about the Death Note is whoever's name is written in it dies." He crossed his legs. "Does this interest you?"

"They die?" America frowned a bit harder and adjusted his glasses. "That doesn't sound very heroic...and...how did you know...that I was...America...?

Light frowned. "Heroic? It's more than heroic!" He leaned back in his chair. "It's GODLY! Don't you understand?" He laughed and leaned back further. "What you're doing is simply passing judgement on hopeless fools. Criminals don't deserve to live. You'll be doing the world a favour!"

Alfred heard a crashing noise through the phone. "W-What was that?"

Light's straggled breathing was heard and then finally an answer. "Nnnngh. My chair tipped over." He composed himself. "So, what say you?"

"I'll be...doing the world a favor? Alfred thought on this for a long time, before frowning. "Before I agree to anything, you have to answer my question. How did you know who I was...? We've never talked or met before to my knowledge! To humans..I'm merely Alfred Jones...but you knew I was...America...how?"

Light whispered into the phone. "Do you...believe in Shinigami?"

"Sh-Shinigami...? You mean...the gods of death that Japa—I mean...Kiku is always talking about?"

"Hold on. I have to go to a more secure place to talk about this in detail." Light crouched in a pitch black closet, closing the door behind him. "That should work." He mumbled to himself. "...Wait." He put on a tinfoil hat. "Much better. This should shield from mind-reading. Alright, the beans are spilled. The cat has escaped the bag. Shinigami exist. I have one with me right now."

Alfred spat out his soda, which he'd been currently sipping to calm himself down. "They...they exist? But how?"

"I can't prove they exist. Unless..." Light paused. "Well, unless you come over to my house."

America gave a frustrated cry. "Where ARE you? I don't even know who you ARE!"

Light smirked. "Good. I needed that reassurance. As I said before, you may refer to me as God."

"...God?" Alfred grabbed a piece of paper and a pen, ready to write down the address. "Um..Okay...Uh...Just tell me where you are and I'll come to you."

"Hold on a second." Light covered the phone receiver with one hand. "MO~OM! I LOCKED MYSELF IN THE CLOSET AGAINNNN!"

He whispered into the phone. "Yeah, my house is right across from a laundry mart. There are some plants on my balcony railing. I'll go out later and open and close the blinds of my window so you can tell which house is mine. That'll be our secret sig. I'll keep doing it 'till you get here."

At that, Light hung up the phone, leaving a very confused Alfred Jones trying pathetically to make sense of all that happened.


	3. BUT I'M IN THE ZONE

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. THOUGH THEY'RE NOT REALLY CONSISTANT. /should be happy she's getting reviews at all/

With a frown, Alfred hung up and hurried to check where the call came from...Japan. Within a few hours, he was on a plane to Japan, and once he landed, he hurried to the place where the call was traced from, across from a laundromat and..aha! The blinds were flickering. Quickly, he texted the stranger, telling him that he was here.

Light's phone vibrated in his pocket. He sighed and checked the message. "Finally. My arms were starting to hurt." He complained and quickly texted back for Alfred to meet him at the laundry mart across the street. The American did as he was told, going into the laundromat to wait for this stranger. He sat down at one of the booths, waiting.

Light put on a shirt and called to his mom. "MOM. I'M GOING TO THE LAUNDRY MART, OK? NO. NO. NO. I HAVE TO GO RIGHT NOW. NO TIME FOR PANTS. FINE. I'LL PUT ON PANTS." He reluctantly pulled on a pair of pants on and walked out the door. He saw a man sitting in a booth and quickly crouched behind a bush outside the building. "I've got him exactly where I want him." He said with an evil smile.

Alfred was sitting there naively, waiting. He sighed and leaned back, completely oblivious.

Light put on sunglasses and smoothed his hair. "Let's do this."

He walked into the building casually and took a seat next to America. "I am God. It's a pleasure to meet you." He said as he extended his hand.

Alfred blinked slowly and took the boy's hand, shaking it. "Um...hi. I'm Alfred F. Jones...America...and uh...I'm still very confused as to why you'd want ME to rule the world with you..."

Light smirked, knowing that he held a small piece of the Death Note in his hand and America just touched it. "This is Ryuk." He gestured to his right, "He is a Shinigami. Ignore him."

"Now, as to why I want you to rule with me...I've been learning about American culture through watching Jersey Shore and I admire America and all your guidos. I've even been going to a spray tan place. See?" He pointed to his rather orange-looking complexion. "I love America and would like nothing more than to find a hot guidette to marry. Preferably Snooki."

America wasn't listening to what Light was saying. He was too busy staring in horror at Ryuk. "A...A...sh-sh-sh...a Death God, holy shit!" He shrank back against the wall, still staring at him.

"And if I could meet Snooki, that would be- Eh?" He narrowed his eyes. "Yes, that's a Shinigami." Ryuk waved. "Now, we are going to need to set up some sort of plan on how I am going to meet the cast of Jersey Shore..."

America blinked slowly. "Jersey Shore...? Huh?" He was confused, having not heard the first part of the conversation.

Light raked a hand through his hair angrily. "Yes! Jersey Shore! I want to meet the cast and marry Snooki! She'll become my guidette queen and we'll rule the world together. U-Uh...With you too, of course."

"...I...I'm afraid that I don't know them personally..." Alfred frowned, glancing at Ryuk before looking back at Light. "I could...try to arrange something..."

"Very good. Just let me go back home and say bye to my mom. I'm coming with you back to America."

A/N: Yes, Light was only wearing underwear the whole time. Ohbabi.


End file.
